As I've written in a previous post, the word I chose for 2012 (and the one that chose me) is Yes.
It's only July, and I don't doubt that my word has more to teach me. But a couple of months ago, the word Abide started surfacing. I tried to dismiss it, asked it to leave me alone until it was time to choose a word for 2013. I felt like I couldn't/shouldn't entertain the possibility of exploring another word...like that would somehow be considered cheating on Yes.
But it kept coming up, from all angles, within varying contexts and from a multitude of sources. So I finally said Yes to Abide. (Turns out I'm not alone.)*
I'm in the midst of a significant decision-making process, faced with two choices that will alter the course of my life in very different ways. Both are compelling. Both are exciting. Both feel like the "right" thing to do.
So which option does the Yes go to?
I'm terrible at making decisions. Always have been. I get in my head, I go back and forth, I make the lists of pros, always perfectly balanced by the lists of cons. I doubt and question and worry about the irreversible-ness. I convince myself that no matter which decision I make it will ultimately be the wrong - or at least not the rightest "right" - one.
Abide showed up just in time to (mostly) short-circuit this madness. It's teaching me to be okay with not knowing, to live inside the questions.
I'm waiting and expecting and praying for absolute clarity. And, as so often happens, getting it in the most unexpected ways. When I consider option A and ask God about it, I get a picture of Him jumping up and down and shouting, "YES, DO THAT. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO AND IT WILL BE AMAZING!"
And then I consider option B. And God jumps up and down and shouts, "YES, DO THAT. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO AND IT WILL BE AMAZING!"
So how, might you ask, does this qualify as "clarity?" Because, truly, and for the first time ever, I feel like I can't go wrong. It's not about option A vs. option B. It's about making the decision, committing to it fully, and trusting myself and God that, either way, it will unfold perfectly.
The clock is ticking, the deadline for a final decision quickly approaching. There's still time for God to make it crystal clear which way I am to go and (are You listening?) I would very much appreciate that. Or...I might end up flipping a coin.
But for now, I'm biding my time. Abiding in possibilities of Yes. And staying tuned...
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In connection with Sarah Bessey's What Is Saving Your Life Right Now? Project. Click the image below to learn more!
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*Thanks to Cheryl Smith for the inspiration to embrace "Abide." Click the image below to learn more about the True Vine Challenge!