She must learn again to speak
starting with I
starting with We
starting as the infant does
with her own true hunger
and pleasure
and rage.

-- Marge Piercy

For a Web Begun, God Sends Thread


Literary Mama: Help Wanted: Blog Editor.  It felt like a long shot, but then again, so has the rest of my life these past few months.  I knew two things: I would love it, and I would be damn good at it.  So I wrote the letter, updated the resume, and sent them off.  I didn't agonize or revise endlessly. I simply wrote the truth, from my heart.

In the days following my interview with the Editor-in-Chief, even as I tried to prepare myself for the letdown of not getting it, I got more and more excited about the possibility that I might. Your will, Lord, not mine and This or something better were the prayers that bridged the gap from one doubt-filled, anxious human moment to the next.

And when I got the "Welcome to Literary Mama!" e-mail, my prayer became, simply, "Thank you THANK you THANK YOU!"

It didn't take long, though, for the overwhelm to kick in and for my doubting, worrying, anxious human self to find a new mission.  My prayers became a kind of inquisition:  "God, are you serious?  You really think I can handle this??  Are you sure we haven't made a huge mistake here???"  

There was (and is) so much to learn: Yahoo forums and a new Wordpress site, Google calendars and Gmail accounts, editorial schedules and protocols and making sure I coordinate with all the right people, without bothering anyone needlessly. All this on top of the j-o-b, which had been kicking my a-s-s that week; trying to figure out a spring and summer of non-stop baseball travel with Ian; managing some technical fixes for the F2 site; and wondering when I'd ever find the time to write something again, much less read those 17 essays everyone should read.

Too many eggs? Quite possibly.

So, what to do...

Set down an egg (or two, or more)? Or...find a way to hold them all?

The truth is, I love all these eggs. I need all these eggs in order to be who I am and become who I want to be. And, in this, I have to remember that I'm not so special. I'm not alone. Every woman on those Staff and Contributor pages has the same story constructed of different details, and that's what Literary Mama is all about: showcasing women writers who are making it work, inspiring readers to believe that they can, too.  

Be a mom. Be single. Be married. Be an employee. Run a business. Volunteer.  And while you're doing all that, think like a writer and call yourself a writer and (for God's and your own sake) WRITE.  For years, I've been taking in this message from Literary Mama...and now I'm proud to say I'm one of them.

And like them, I will figure it all out because it all matters.

For me, this means I no longer get to spend two weeks writing a blog post, which has led to the wondrous discovery that a blog post can be written in two hours. It means thinking ahead a little more than I'm used to, maybe being a little more organized than I have been. It means being willing to make mistakes, and to give myself a break...because when it all feels like too much, it's generally because I'm making too much of it.

Above all, it means remembering how I got here.  It's not an accident.  I didn't make it happen.  I simply followed the thread that God holds, taking one step at a time without knowing exactly where I was going.

So here I am.  Inside a web under construction, with no shortage of thread to hold onto...and plenty of room for all the eggs.

* * * * * * * * * *

On a related note, F2 has entire Pinterest board devoted to beautiful threads and webs and yarns.  Check it out: For a Web Begun, God Sends Thread.

And if you're looking for those 17 essays, click here.  Amazing collection!

Also, if you haven't checked in lately with Sarah Hawkins on the Project You page, now is a good time.

Post-It Notes from Heaven

Exprayeriment #30 -- Moving Into Our Holy Spring